What You Should (And Shouldn’t) Do During the Last New Moon of 2019

Thank goodness Santa is done with his deliveries, because the new moon in Capricorn (and thus, the solar eclipse) is here, starting Dec. 25. And with the holidays now done, we can harness all that Capricorn energy and start looking toward the new year—but first, we need to know what the December 2019 new moon means in astrology.

Typically, new moons signal fresh starts and new beginnings. And seeing as this new moon is also a solar eclipse, well, look forward to it shaking up our ~emotional snow globes~. It’s a good time to make use of Capricorn’s incredible energy and drive, while using all of the self-care tools we have to make it sustainable and sexy ;). Or, you know, to stop us from burning out or snapping at six-year-olds because our nerves are fried.

Man, what a year this week has been.

But let’s push all that aside, shall we? The stress of our lives will always be there, so I am fully advocating that we set it down for now and go ice skating, or binge-watch “The Witcher” like I did. (So good. Henry Cavill’s jaw should be considered a Dangerous Weapon and not allowed on any sanctioned government property.)

Let’s not shy away from the hard work of relaxation. Then, and only then, can we all get down to what this new moon is all about: new beginnings. Fresh starts. Building a life from the ground up that belongs to us and makes us get up in the morning and think, “Whee. Hell yes.”

Now scroll through what you should and shouldn’t do during this new moon in Capricorn.

You SHOULD Realistically Plan the Next Few Months

Capricorn energy is clear and focused. The plans you make now—as long as they are realistic and not too far out there—are going to bring you results. Resolutions. That deep down good-good, you know?

Also, you don’t have to plan in a way that looks aesthetically pleasing or that follows some schema you saw on Instagram. Personally, the idea of a bullet journal makes me want to die. You can certainly write your plan out on a notepad, in your phone, on your mirror in lipstick, whatever! Just make it real, achievable, fitting and something that feels right.

You Should NOT Commit to Anything Right Now—Seriously, Just Wait*

Emotions are HIGH. It’s the holidays, and a lot of us are in our feelings. This is when the emotional vampires and also, incredibly well-meaning people in your life might ask you for something innocuous (e.g., help with the PTA bake sale, taking on a new responsibility at work, a new book/wine/whatever club.) Say no or even not yet.

Stay with me here! Saying yes is great, but make sure that your desire for these tasks still exists after the haze of honey-baked ham, sugar cookies and long weekends is behind you. Trust me, your mind may change once the Christmas lights come down.

*The caveat being, of course, your dream job or a proposal from the love of your life, etc.

You SHOULD Talk to Yourself the Way You Talk to Your Best Friend

Truly, who in the world is the equal to your best, most glorious friend? I know it’s so grade school to talk about friends that way. But listen: People just say that shit when they don’t have a best friend. And furthermore, you can have a best friend when you’re five, 25, 45, or 105. The way you think and talk about your best friend is the way you should talk to yourself. With love, context, forgiveness and a healthy dose of grandiosity, of course.

For example: I congratulate myself every morning after I make my bed. Yes, it makes me feel like a psychopath sometimes. But also, what-fucking-ever. It makes me feel good and hurts ABSOLUTELY NOBODY. It is so low-stakes, costs nothing, and makes me primed to hold myself in positive regard, no matter how many mistakes I make that day. So, fuck it. I am incredible. I amaze myself on the daily, and I am leading my own revolution. Try it!

You Should NOT Use Negative Self-talk As a Twisted Form of Motivation

There’s nothing like the Happiest Time of Year to bring all of our insecurities to a rolling boil. I notice that come December, my self-talk goes from only slightly catty to full-out Regina George. But why? We cannot punish ourselves into submission or into wanting or valuing the same things as people do.

Plus, the meaner we are to ourselves, the less forgiving we are of others. So let yourself skip a holiday party if you need to. Repeat this over and over, as often as needed: I have nothing to feel guilty about. Say it until you believe it. Let that be your Christmas gift to yourself.

You SHOULD Work on True, Active Listening and Watch Your Relationships Blossom

I am a terrible listener. I say that with compassion, but damn. Listening does NOT come easy to me. I have to try really hard. I have to take deep breaths and remind myself that another person talking is not my chance to regroup and wait for my chance to respond. Does this make me sound awful? Probably. But this ugly truth has made me work hard at listening.

I’ve searched for strategies (!!!) and asked friends honestly about times when I could have listened better, without speaking or offering up my hot-take. I’ve gotten feedback that has really hurt, but has also made me a better and more understanding person. Listening has gotten easier, that’s true. But I think it will always be something I have to work at. How do you listen? Who do you talk to that makes you feel heard? These questions have some of the most true and important answers I’ve come to find. I hope you dig deeper and find out that truth for yourself.

You Should NOT Try to “Fix” Others or Offer Up Unsolicited Opinions

Most advice comes from a deeply loving place. I truly believe that. But even incredible advice can be damaging if the person is not ready or does not want it. How many of us (especially woman) walk around offering free emotional labor and problem-solving skills to the world at large? After basic needs are met, the only people that can save us from our suffering, poor habits and maladaptive coping skills are ourselves.

Let people grow at their own pace. Try offering no guidance, but just a steady presence and love. Always love.

You SHOULD Eat the Damn Holiday Treats and Savor Them

Food is good. It is okay and healthy to enjoy it. We are all so afraid of food right now. Sometimes picking up a cookie feels as heavy as an anvil. If I hear one more gorgeous, intelligent, hard-working woman pick up a treat, wince, and say, “Oooh, I’m being BAD,” I will scream or cry or both.

Eat the cake. Make eye contact with every person you see as you do it. Pop culture and the media tell us all too often to take up less space, have arms that resemble triangles (easily the worst instrument—so jarring. Why?), but still have a booty bigger than the new moon in Capricorn (I am amazing. See? Positive self-talk).

There is no winning that particular war—at least, not yet. But we can win your own, private battle with food and weight and allowing ourselves to step outside the scope of what we are told Is OK and Acceptable Behavior. Eat the cake, drink the eggnog, and do it with middle fingers extended to the heavens, if necessary, please.

You Should NOT Overlook Racist And/Or Misogynistic Remarks and Acts

(I mean, you still shouldn’t whether or not the new moon is currently in Capricorn, but I digress.)

There are few things in our daily lives worth getting upset about—but these are some of those things. I’m not just talking about a Twitter call-out or some bullshit social media cancel culture attack (sorry, but that is toxic and at this point, I think it’s doing more harm than good). I’m talking about real, in-your-life circumstances that you can try to change. I used to think it was pointless, engaging with someone who already doesn’t think that human (whether they’re gay, trans, bi, a woman, a POC, etc.) is worthy of basic, civil rights. And frankly, it kind of is pointless to engage.

But it’s never been about them—those sad, close-minded and fearful people. It’s about you and how every time someone puts something ugly into this world, it diminishes your glow and happiness. It’s about a boundary you set with the entire world of what you will allow and what you will stand up for. Only you know what that looks like, reader. So with this new moon, I hope you find the courage to set those boundaries.

 

I hope you have the happiest of new years and that you have at least one moment where you look around at all that you have and recognize the joy in your world, the peace in your heart, and then get absolutely wrecked on spiked eggnog or too many ginger snaps.

(I am a Gemini, after all. I crave the chaos of good cheer and debauchery.)