A Field Guide to Dating for Trans Women

Dating is tough for everyone, but dating as a transgender woman is even harder. I’ve been on more dates than I can count. Starting from the early stages of my transition at age 15, through sexual reassignment surgery at 19, to being an out and proud transgender woman at 24—I can say with certainty that I’ve gone out with pretty much every personality type.

Some of my most entertaining stories have come from my dating chronicles, but so have some of my worst. Through these experiences, both hot and not, I’ve found there are four main types of guys I run into, being an out transgender woman. They go as follows:

The Unaccepting Guy

Profile: This guy is most likely a Republican or comes from a conservative-leaning family.

The Encounter

We were three dates in, and for first time in years, I was starting to really like someone. One night, we were out dancing in Hollywood and stepped outside to catch some air. I was leaning against the wall, close enough that I could play with the necklace hidden in his shirt. I expressed relief that it wasn’t a cross (a red flag of someone with a more conservative background), and he told me that his father was conservative and voted for Trump, and while he himself didn’t vote, he hated Hillary Clinton. I could tell he was uncomfortable talking about politics, but as someone who needs to protect themselves from the get-go, I pressed him on his personal views. He admitted to being financially conservative and otherwise liberal. I asked, “What about LGBT rights?” He replied, “What’s that?”

Shocked, I said, “Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender.” His response: “Oh, I’m fine with everything but the T.” My face dropped. I asked why he had an issue with the “T.” He said, “I just don’t believe you can be a man one day and then a woman the next, you either have XY or XX chromosomes and that’s it.” Until that moment, I wasn’t sure if he knew I was transgender, and that’s when I dropped the bomb. His mouth agape, he backed away and said, “But we kissed! Oh my god, I have a fear about this happening, you should have told me.”

I went on to tell him my entire story, including how abnormally normal my life has been as a transgender woman. At one point, he got confused during my explanation of the gender spectrum and thought I was hermaphrodite, which he would have been okay with because in that case, ”I couldn’t help it.”  The conversation ended when I said, “I don’t need to explain myself to you. I want someone who likes me even more because of the courage I had as a young teen.” His rebuttal: “Well, for the next guy you should probably tell him first.” I walked away.

Frustrated, I met up with a new but great friend of mine who was nearby, spewing, “Here I am, opening up and sharing my story for the world, so that I can change how our society perceives transgender people, and I couldn’t change the mind of someone I have a genuine attraction and connection with.” My friend said, “Corey, that boy will never look at transgender people the same after tonight. He is going to go home and think on this and whether you know it or not, you have changed how he views a transgender person—at least, a transgender woman.”

The Takeaway

Initially, I felt defeated. I needed my friend’s words to realize that even though I didn’t visibly change his ideals in front of my eyes, I did make an impact and he’ll never see trans women the same way. A few days later, I went on a hike with a dear friend. After telling her the story, she said, “Every single person you meet or come in contact with, you change their perception. By being your genuine self, I’ve watched even the shortest interactions between you and a new person change the way they think about a transgender person.”

It was another reminder of how far I’ve come and the accomplishments I’ve already made. I don’t blame these types of guys who didn’t receive the proper education or weren’t given the resources to be accepting of non-binary people. When meeting these men, remind yourself that they’re not the one for you, and it has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong—it’s just about their own ignorance. 

MORE: Why We Need to Fight to Destigmatize Transgender Beauty Standards Now

The Semi-Accepting Guy

Profile: This man respects me and may admit attraction, but isn’t able to overcome the perceived or feared oddities of what it would be like to be with a trans woman.

The Encounter

Right after I brushed off the conservative guy, in walked another dreamboat. At 6’8,” he was smart, funny, ambitious, well-rounded, and had overcome a struggle of his own. After meeting twice, we went on what was supposed to be a quick coffee and hiking date. Instead, our effortless connection led to a two-hour breakfast, long hike, and two-hour dinner in one day. I even opened up to him about my fear of men dating me to “see what it’s like” to be with a trans woman.

At some point during our hike, he expressed that he was extremely attracted to me, and in some ways scared to like me. He told me he was trying his hardest to restrain himself from kissing me for a few reasons. The first is that he was scared we’d have such a strong bond that we’d become a couple. The second is that if it didn’t work in the bedroom and he didn’t want to see me again, he wouldn’t want me to think, after sex, that he was using me as a science experiment. He asked my permission to take a day to think about us moving forward.

After much thought, our conversation for closure came down to two things: His mother and friends would accept me, but his Serbian father never would; and he was afraid of experiencing me sexually. He told me if I hadn’t been open and honest with him (which he was thankful for regardless) that he wouldn’t have cared, but because he already knew, he wasn’t willing to look past it.

The Takeaway

With this type of guy, I tend to go into education mode and talk about the normalcy of my hand-crafted vulva. Their concerns usually include what their friends and family would say, how they’d react to me, what it means for his sexuality, and difficulties comprehending the idea of a sexual encounter with me. All these fears show that he simply isn’t the right one for me. In this situation, I remind myself that I want someone who doesn’t need to take time to think , but is willing to move forward based on our innate chemistry and attraction. This leads to man number three.

MORE: How Fashion Helped Me Figure out Who I Am as a Trans Woman

The Over-Accepting Guy

Profile: This guy either has a fetish for trans women, prefers them over cis women (i.e. people who identify as the sex they were born with) for varied reasons, or has slept with one either without knowing or for the one-time experience.

The Encounter

I’ve been getting to know a work colleague. He’s the bad boy my mom definitely does not want me dating. Even with tattoos everywhere, I’ve learned he’s rough on the outside but sensitive on the inside. After almost two months of playing coy, we finally went on a date. We decided to act like a couple for the evening, holding hands on the sidewalk and over dinner. During our night together, we had one of our deep conversations. He asked me about being trans, something I really wasn’t sure if he had picked up on or not.

He told me, “I’ve seen your hashtags—of course I knew, but I wanted you to tell me.” Having an irregular past of his own, he opened up to me about a night where he was on hard drugs in a hotel room. His friend invited over two prostitute friends of theirs, and those two girls each brought another sex-worker friend, one of whom was a pre-operative trans woman, whom he proceeded to have sex with while high on heroine.

Situations like this turn me off. I don’t like knowing I wouldn’t be a man’s first sexual transgender experience. Because I feel so feminine and identify as a woman before identifying as transgender, so I tend to want to be every guy’s first.

The Takeaway

I don’t want to throw myself at a guy just because he’s okay with dating transgender women. In part, my instant reduction of attraction towards this guy stems from skepticism about why they want to pursue things with a trans woman. When I transitioned, transgenderism was not discussed in mainstream media, and men attracted to trans women were either ill-intentioned, harmful, or ostracized.  There are men who seek out trans women to fulfill a kink or fetish, and I’ve also been out with guys who simply prefer transgender women for reasons I’m not sure of. There are circumstances where I can get over not being a man’s first transgender date, like the guy I work with. I understood that he wasn’t in his typical mindset and have looked past it.

Unless you feel compatible with this type of kinky partner, please do not feel the need to entertain their sexual desires or their objectifying you. You’re not a societal experiment; you’re a human being who deserves to be with someone who accepts you for the entire person you are, not one aspect that helps to define you. This brings me to the ideal man.

MORE: What to Do When You’re Dating a Guy Who’s Seriously Hung

The Unicorn

Profile: This guy is respectful, interested in learning more, forward-thinking, and has a progressive attitude.

The Encounter

My ex is one of these rare species of men. I’ll save the full tale for another time, but the abbreviated version is that we were perfect for one another, but met at the wrong time. If he and I met or rekindled our relationship a year from now, things would be different. It was a mature relationship at an age where we had much to learn. We were each other’s first serious partner, both friends and lovers, and mutually felt we were each other’s perfect person. We broke up with the hopes of being together again someday, if and when we were in the same city at the same time.

After college graduation, he lived in the DC area, and I lived in New York. After our breakup, I told him over the phone during our final goodbye that I was transgender, to which he said, “That doesn’t change anything for me.” I asked if we had still been dating, whether he would care. “I’m not sure. I can’t go back and put myself in the situation, but it doesn’t change how I think of you or our relationship,” he said.

This man was intelligent, sexy, kind, caring, selfless, athletic, social, calm, sweet, sensitive, and the most beautiful person inside and out that I’ve experienced. I fell in the love with his being, his soul, the person that he was, and I know he felt the same. He once told me, “You know me better than I know myself. I know you’re the best possible person for me, but right now, we can’t be together.”  We both needed to live our lives, travel, and experience highs and lows separate from one another. He’s so logical, that even during our breakup I couldn’t be mad at him. I wish, at times, that he cared enough to not let me go completely, but I am thankful for it now. I’ve learned to love myself, even at my loneliest.

The Takeaway

This type of guy exists, and I am so lucky to have met and experienced one of these rare “unicorns.” For a transgender woman, that blessing is few and far between. This is the man I look for when I consider any potential prospect. All trans women looking to date a cisgender man should look out for this type of gentleman.

Having the opportunity to date men I’m attracted to is humbling. I know I’m blessed with an abnormally normal life for a transgender person during this time in history. I hope this gives a glimpse into a transgender woman’s dating life, as well as insight for transgender women who are out there doing the same. I am reminded that I do not need to rely on any man to feel whole. Between these men and dating ruts, I’ve become fun and carefree again, and for now I’m focusing on loving myself completely, and taking in the smaller accomplishments I make everyday as an out transgender woman.

Ke$ha Writes Powerful Essay About Self-Care During the Holidays

The word ‘self-care’ is attached to a flood of clichéd mantras like “just be yourself,” “punch your pillow,” and one of our personal favorites, “choose happiness.” As much as people think they can talk through positive through anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses, doing a little more is necessary; especially during the whirlwind holiday season.

MORE: 3 Savvy Ways to Handle Political Arguments During the Holidays

Ke$ha, who has been open about her personal struggles, knows this all too well. The Grammy nominee recently wrote an article for TIME about self-care during the holidays after she noticed it was the festive period that triggered stress, anxiety, and ultimately, an eating disorder. For her and many others, transitioning into a long break can allow for thoughts to bubble and discomfort to manifest. Then on top of that, you feel obligated to extend your energy to everyone — ‘tis the season, right?

Source: Instagram

But she’s developed a mantra: “It’s not selfish to take time for yourself.” Decompression can be comforting when it feels like you have to be “on”  with family or running errands with friends. Ke$ha list of ways to accomplish this is hardly exhaustive, and a place to start.

“Take a walk in nature. Talk to a friend you trust or a therapist. Sit out one of the holiday gatherings in favor of some personal time. Just do whatever helps you calm down and gives you a break from the stress. Download one of the many meditation apps for your phone. I particularly like ‘Calm’ and ‘End Anxiety,'” she says.

MORE: 8 New Ways to De-Stress That You Haven’t Heard a Million Times Already

She also urges readers to let go of grandiose expectations that could potentially lead to disappointment. “It’s just another day,” she says.

Most importantly, she reminds us to simply take a break. It’s impossible to please everyone and it’s also draining. So step back, and remember that you don’t have to sacrifice peace of mind to keep everyone happy. Sometimes you just have to breathe, take a time out, and remember that it won’t last forever.  You’re going to get through it.

Rihanna Slams Brands that Use Transgender People as ‘Convenient Marketing Tools’

Recently, Rihanna was put in the hot seat by a fan who asked her why she hasn’t cast a single transgender person in a Fenty Beauty advertisement—and, as expected, she had the perfect response. On Wednesday, Twitter user @lbertootero posted a screenshot of a direct conversation between him and Rihanna, in which he criticized the 29-year-old singer for leaving out trans women from Fenty Beauty’s marketing.

On the contrary, Rihanna explained that she didn’t intentionally exclude trans women. Instead, she said she chose to cast Fenty Beauty’s advertisements free from gender identity, something she acknowledged was difficult to know and ask about in an initial meeting.

“I’ve had the pleasure of working with many gifted trans women throughout the years, but I don’t go around doing trans castings!” Rihanna wrote. “Just like I don’t do straight non-trans women castings! I respect all women, and whether they’re trans or not is none of my business! It’s personal and some trans women are more comfortable being open about it than others so I have to respect that as a woman myself!”

MORE: A Twitter Glitch Switched Rihanna and Donald Trump’s Bios, and People Loved It

Source: Instagram

The “Work” hitmaker also took aim at brands that exploit and use trans people as “convenient marketing tools.” She compared the marketing tactic to tokenism, something she was familiar with as a black woman.

“I don’t think it’s fair that a trans woman, or man, be used as a convenient marketing tool!” she wrote. “Too often do I see companies doing this to trans and black women alike! There’s always just that one spot in the campaign for the token ‘we look mad diverse’ girl/guy! It’s sad!”

https://twitter.com/lbertootero/status/935911726356357121

MORE: This Rihanna Fan Found a Clever Use for the Fenty Beauty Matchstix

Though we’d love to see a trans women in a Fenty Beauty campaign, Rihanna brings up a lot of good points on tokenism and exploiting minorities. Looks like Twitter knew what was up when they made her president last week.

8 Lazy Ways to Make Sex a Little Hotter Tonight

At the end of the day, you could be craving a hot bedroom session but know what you’re going to get is the same old. Because lets face it, we’re lazy at a days end! But, you can make sex hotter with a few simple changes. Here are 8 lazy ways to make your sex hotter tonight!

Get Out of the Bedroom

One of the easiest ways to spice up the bedroom is to get OUT of it. “Take them out of their comfort zone and really “explore” the rest of your surroundings,” says Taylor Henry, a sexual health expert. “Changing the environment up from what they’re normally use to helps bring a little more excitement and creativity to the mix. If it’s your kitchen, bathroom, car or even a vacant room in a busy house, nothing is more hotter.”

Throw on Some Porn 

One of the best ways to spice it up for you or a partner last minute is through porn, says Alexis Thomas, owner of Taboo Tabou a pleasure-positive women’s boutique. “We’re not talking Pornhub; we’re talking good, sexy, and female-driven porn. One of the best outlets for this is Erika Lust’s X Confessions. Literally, five minutes with her and you will find yourself ready to go.”

Use Music to Get in the Mood

Sexy music that turns you on can turn any night into something majorly romantic. It can be whatever makes your heart pump. “Think back to all those times in your life that a song made you feel warm and fuzzy and compile those into a playlist on Spotify in order to set the perfect mood,” says Thomas.

MORE: 9 Natural Products You Can Use to Make Sex Better

Draw Out Oral Sex

If you’re just used to giving your guy or girl just enough to get them ready for sex, commit to at least 15 minutes of you pleasuring them as soon as they walk in the door, suggests Kim Anami, a holistic sex and relationship expert. “Most people use this as cursory foreplay, rather than a main course. Extended oral sex is awesome.”

Bring in Some Voyeurism

After getting out of the shower; before going to bed, slip on something you feel the most confident in and make sure your partner sees. “After realizing they are admiring your curves, lay back in your bed, and bring out your favorite toy as if no one is there and give him/her the tease of a lifetime. That’ll drive them crazy!” Suggests Henry.

MORE: 5 Sex Positions That Work for Almost Every Couple

Serve Each Other—Literally

There is no better way to make sex hotter tonight than by offering to take care of your partners needs, says founder and CEO of Cupidspulse.com, Lori Bizzoco.  “Don’t worry about cooking them a dinner or make elaborate date night plans. Easy last minute gestures like making sexy compliments, caressing, touching, and telling your partner to relax and that you’ll take care of there every wish can be a complete turn on for the both of you.”

Grab the Toys

Sex toys are one of the easiest ways to spice it up in the bedroom quickly and easily. Thomas says, start by using it as a body massager on a partner and then when you are ready to get it all going apply it to every part of your body that responses to vibration. “Want to really make it easy? Grab something such as a wand that has a handle so that you can be as direct as possible.”

Tie ‘Em Up


If you’ve never done this before, it’s a sure fire way to get the pulse pumping in the bedroom AND there is plenty around the house to help tie your partner up and then kiss them all over! “Maybe grab a man’s tie or two scarves and tie them up to the bedpost or edges of a bed. Tying up your partner is one of the easiest ways to spice it up in the bedroom low key,” suggests Thomas.

35 Ways to Work the Maximalist Jewelry Look Without Going Overboard

In true maximalist fashion, I strongly disagree with Coco Chanel‘s famous words, “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take at least one thing off.” Minimal shminimal, I say. I basically feel naked without some form of jewelry on my body, and I feel like it has become a part of my personal brand and style.

Now, if you’re into minimal style or not a jewelry person—more power to you, because you probably spend a lot less time cleaning your closet and stressing about how you will explain yet another silver statement necklace to your roommates or S.O., but trust me—they’re so different and yes, all five of them are very much needed to complete the ultimate necklace stack.

MORE: 28 Street Style-Inspired Ways to Accessorize Your Hair This Winter

So, assuming you’re interested in going all-out with your jewelry, how does one conquer the art of the look of jewelry maximalism? First, take a look at jewelry queen Iris Apfel; her jewelry truly is a form of art, as far as I’m concerned, and while it may be a tad overwhelming at first, eventually you realize that everything she’s wearing goes together and works with the overall look.

The key to chic—not busy, overdone—maximalism is to pick a theme, color, or body part and focus on it. You can start with all gold or silver jewelry and stack a couple cuffs on one arm, add a ring on the opposite hand, and then add a statement earring to balance it out. Or, you can just choose one statement piece, like an oversized tassel earring or collar necklace and call it a day. No matter what you decide to put on, your jewelry should complement outfit and your mood.

MORE: 60 Gorgeous Bohemian-Chic Winter Outfits to Copy This Season

I found a handful of my own current favorite maximalist-approved pieces of jewelry in the following slides, plus, even more street style inspiration (including a few of my own ensembles) for your jewelry stacking needs. Layer up that jewelry, mix metals and colors, and have some fun with it. Jewelry can completely elevate a classic tee and jeans combo to a fashion show-ready look. So, in my own words: Before you leave the house, remember, you look great and your arm stack is ready to party!

50 Stylish Winter Outfits Worth Copying

Winter seems to add an extra element of complexity to looking cute. On the one hand, you can play with layers and add visual interest. On the other hand, you have to dress warm enough to walk from one place to another but not so warm that you find yourself completely undressing every time you walk into a heated room.

MORE: 15 Cute Hats to Top Off Every Single Winter Outfit

But you can be both stylish and comfortable during the winter. It just takes a little creativity.

MORE: How to Wear Ankle Boots: 5 New Ideas

Take a look at this gallery of winter-wear inspiration from street fashion and our favorite bloggers. There’s endless amounts of big coats, chic scarves and cozy hats to spark ideas for cold-weather fashion. Click through the gallery to get started.

MORE: The 101 Best Fashion Quotes of All Time

Selena Gomez Reveals the Emotional Reason She Took Back Justin Bieber

Selena Gomez finally broke her silence on her rekindled romance with Justin Bieber. In an interview with Billboard, the 25-year-old singer opened up about why she was drawn back to her former flame and how things are different the second time around.

Gomez—who dated Bieber on-and-off from 2010 to 2014 and recently reconnected with him—cited time as the reason the two were able to spark things up again, despite a toxic romantic history. “I’m 25. I’m not 18, or 19, or 20. I cherish people who have really impacted my life,” Gomez said. “So maybe before, it could have been forcing something that wasn’t right. But that doesn’t mean caring for someone ever goes away.”

MORE: The Reason Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber Aren’t Back Together (Yet)

Source: Instagram

The singer also referenced her reconnected friendships with former Disney Channel stars, such as Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus, and Nick and Joe Jonas, as other examples of how she’s developed a different outlook on life from when she first began dating Bieber.

“And [that goes for] people in general. I mean, I grew up with Demi. Nick and Joe and Miley—we’ve gone through seasons in our lives,” she said. “I don’t think it’s as serious as people make things out to be half the time. It’s just my life. I grew up with all of these people, and it’s so cool to see where everybody is. It comes back to the idea of me remaining full.”

Source: Instagram

Gomez also touched on her relationship with The Weeknd, who she dated for roughly 11 months before she reconnected with Bieber. Despite The Weeknd recently deleting all pictures with Gomez on social media, the “Fetish” singer insisted that the two are still friends. ”

Something that I’m really proud of is that there’s such a true friendship,” Gomez said. “I truly have never experienced anything like that in my life. We ended it as best friends, and it was genuinely about encouraging and caring [for each other], and that was pretty remarkable for me.”

MORE: People Think Bella Hadid Dissed The Weeknd’s Breakup with This Petty Selfie

Though Gomez didn’t confirm nor deny her relationship with Bieber, from the sound of it, she did have a lot of nice things to say about him. We hope the two the best if they do decide to re-spark their relationship.

8 Clever Face Mask Hacks We Can Learn from Celebrities

There’s little to hate about face masks. There are tons of them (sheets, clays, creams), they’re a lazy and easy way to hydrate your skin, and you can scare the shit out of your roommates by creeping up on them with a face mask on. (What’s there not to like?) And though we’ll likely ride or die for face masks until the end of time, we have to admit: the run-of-the-mill stuff does get pretty old.

MORE: The Best Face Masks for Every Winter Skin Issue

This is likely why celebrities like Victoria Beckham and Shay Mitchell concocted genius hacks to elevate your face mask experience that much higher. Whether you’re looking for ways to soak up every drop of serum (get your money’s worth, girl) or you want to know what to do after you peel off a face mask, Hollywood has you covered. Ahead, take a look at eight celebrity-approved face mask hacks that’ll be sure to change the way you think of the skin care staple forever.

How to Cut Down Your Skin Care Routine to 90 Seconds or Less

A proper skin care routine can seem daunting, overwhelming and time-consuming. We all want beautiful complexions, but let’s be honest, it usually requires more time and effort than we actually have. We’re told to use a cleanser, exfoliator, toner, serum, moisturizer, night cream and the list goes on. And to top it off, it’s suggested that we do this both morning and night.

If you’re anything like the modern woman (or me) and a professional juggler of many things, spending 20 minutes on a skin care routine may not be the best fit for you. However, it is possible to harness the same healthy benefits within minutes…even seconds. Ahead, we’ve rounded up advice from skin care experts and discovered how to master a routine in 90 seconds or less.

MORE: The Household Item That Leaves Makeup Brushes Squeaky Clean

Know the Non-Negotiables

With skin care steps multiplying each year, the days of a simple cleanse seem far, far gone. The dermatologists we spoke with agree that there are three essential steps: cleansing, moisturizing and SPF. “The benefits to a skin care routine lie in the ingredients that are being used, not the amount of products you’re using,” shares Dr. Francesca Fusco, NYC Dermatologist. “It is possible to get all the skincare you need from 2-3 products.”

Dr. Suneel Chilukuri, M.D., Houston Dermatologist, believes a common consumer mistake is purchasing a multi-step regimen that isn’t customized for your particular skin. “Many will turn to these kits as an easy solution, but true experts create a regimen that works best for what you need,” says Dr. Chilukuri.

If you take the time to pick effective and appropriate products, we can spend less time applying them to our faces.

MORE: The Top-Rated Hand Creams That Rescue Chapped Skin

Eliminate Extra Steps

There are serums, peels, night creams, masks and more that we invest in to target specific needs. However, if you’re narrowing your skincare routine down to 2-3 products, it’s simply not possible to include all of these. “Toners and serums are bonus steps that are okay to skip,” shares Dr. Dan Behroozan, Director of Dermatology Institute of Southern California.

Though these steps can be effective, they aren’t absolutely necessary to achieving a healthy complexion.

MORE: The Product-Free Skin Care Advice Experts Swear By

Pick Multi-tasking Products

We know which steps are essential and which we can nix. Now, let’s talk about the products. Whenever you’re cutting on time or money, you want to find products that are multi-tasking. “A great way to cut down on your routine is using multi-use products to provide extra benefits without additional time and steps,” shares Dr. Behroozan. For example, find a moisturizer infused with SPF or a serum that hydrates. Ahead are dermatologist and editor-approved multi-taskers to consider before downsizing your routine.

Dove

Dove White Beauty Bar

This bar, which is made up of ¼ moisturizer, cleanses and hydrates your body and face.

$1.29, at Target.com

Starskin

StarSkin 7-Second Morning Mask

Dual-sided pads soaked in a serum meet all your skin needs in a simple swipe. The front side of the pad exfoliates and tones for a brighter complexion. The back side of the pad penetrates serum, moisturizer and a leave-in mask for extreme hydration and nourishment.

$30, at Barneys

La Roche Posay

La Roche-Posay Substiane

Keep skin uber hydrated while diminishing fine lines and wrinkles. This moisturizer is packed with anti-aging properties that keep skin tight, firm and youthful.

$56.99, at La Rosay-Posay

SkinMedica

SkinMedica Total Defense + Repair 

A moisturizing serum packed with anti-aging properties and vitamins to keep skin supple and nourished.

$68, at SkinMedica

VENN

VENN Age-Reversing All-In-One Concentrate

Talk about a powerhouse product! This concentrate replaces toner, essence, serum, lotions and oils in just one application. On top of hydration, this cream reduces aging skin, hyperpigmentation and improves texture and tone!

$185, at VENN Skincare

PCA Skin

PCA Skin Hydrator Plus SPF 30

A light-weight SPF that hydrates skin without a sticky film or white residue.

$35, at PCA Skin

Lily Collins Dyed Her Hair Golden-Blonde, and It’s Everything

Lily Collins is joining Selena Gomez in young Hollywood’s growing group of brunettes gone blonde. On Thursday, the 28-year-old actress shared an Instagram picture showing off her just-dyed golden-blonde locks, and we can attest: They. Look. Good.

The picture shows Collins, dressed in a soft white bathrobe, posing for a selfie with her tousled blonde hair resting on her shoulders. Collins, who kept some of her natural brunette color in her roots, also stayed true to her signature thick eyebrows, which she left dark to contrast with her drastically lightened hair color.

As most brunettes-turned-blondes do, Collins made a joke about already having more fun because of her hair color. “Not sure if it’s the blonde or this city, but I really am having more fun…” she wrote in the caption.

MORE: Ariana Grande Dyed Her Hair Icy Silver Blonde, and We Can’t Keep Up

Source: Instagram

MORE: Lady Gaga Dyed Her Hair the Most Gorgeous, Copper-Blonde Color

Collins joins a long list of famous brunettes, including Gomez and Kim Kardashian, who have ditched their signature brown locks for sun-kissed blonde. Put down your bets on who’s joining the brunette-turned-blonde gang next.

45 Stunning Lace Pieces We’re Coveting Now

Normally, when winter rolls around, we naturally think layers and thick, cozy fabrics, but it would be a mistake to pack away your sultrier, slinkier lace, silk, and chiffon items. We’re loving the huge presence of lace this year, and in this case, less really is more. Lace makes for show-stopping layers, interesting cut-outs and details—and above all, it adds a little extra punch of sex appeal.

MORE: 30 Trendy Pieces to Buy from Zara Right Now

You can easily dress down lace—for instance, pair a lace dress with a sweater, moto jacket and sneakers for a daytime look, or opt for a complete monochromatic ensemble and dark lipstick for a statement evening outfit. Lace instantly elevates the look. We scoured the internet and found 45 of the coolest lace pieces out there right now, and dare you not to fall in love with at least a few.

Kylie Jenner’s Next Cosmetics Product Might Be Concealers, and We’re Hyped

For years, Kylie Jenner and her self-titled beauty brand, Kylie Cosmetics, have ruled the lip kit game. Now, she might be concentrating her efforts on a new makeup product: concealers. On Wednesday, the 20-year-old reality star posted a suspicious Snapchat teasing creamy and oh-so-good under eye concealers that are sure to be on your holiday wish list.

The Snapchat showed a close-up of the “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” star’s eye with a swab of thick, smooth, and highly pigmented concealer underneath her lower lash line. Kylie accompanied the snap with two shifty eyes emojis and a smiley face, further fueling rumors that her next beauty launch will be concealers. Judging from the picture, the concealer also comes with a delicate wand perfect for smearing concealer on all those tired-looking crevices.

Source: Instagram

MORE: Kylie Jenner Reportedly Plans to Launch Makeup-Themed Trucks

Lately, Kylie has also been sharing several fresh-faced selfies on Instagram, leading us to believe that her recent luminous complexion is either the result of her rumored pregnancy glow or the byproduct of a new natural-looking concealer. (Though, to be fair, it could be both.)

Source: Instagram

MORE: Kylie Jenner Debuts New Bob, Courtesy of Her BFF Jordyn Woods

In between possible concealers and her recent effort to put Kylie Cosmetics on wheels, Kylie Cosmetics doesn’t look like it’s slowing down anytime soon.

This Reddit User Just Discovered a New Way to Clean Makeup Brushes

Once again, Reddit has blessed us with a new beauty hack. This time, it comes from user MoonlightMichelle in the Makeup Addiction thread. Instead of spending money on a pricey makeup brush cleanser, she saves  time, money and space with something you may already own: Dr. Bronner’s liquid soap.

“So this morning I decided to clean my brushes and had ran out of brush cleaner so I used the Dr. Bronner’s liquid soap in Lavender instead,” she said. “IMO it worked better than any brush cleaner I’ve ever used, even the expensive ones from Sephora. My brushes haven’t looked this pretty since I first bought them my best discovery of today.”

MORE: This Rihanna Fan Found a Clever Use for the Fenty Beauty Matchstix

Dr. Bronner’s

Dr. Bronner’s, a common household item for many, uses organic and Fair-Trade ingredients with no synthetic preservatives, detergents or foaming agents. They preach and practice progressive business practices like giving free health insurance to employees and their families. And after all that earthy goodness, they offer range in sizing for their products; as in two ounces all the up to a gallon range.

And the best part is a little goes a long way. Reddit user apnuyen says,“This is what I use to clean my brushes! The bottle lasts forever too because it’s so concentrated, I only need a few drops to clean all my brushes (I do it in two batches though since the water gets all mucky) And they have great scents :).”

MORE: Dr. Pimple Popper’s New Blackhead Tool is a Game-Changer

Both the liquid and bar products work well for brushes and beautyblenders, which means you’ll be left with clean skin and a heftier wallet. We’d like to thank Reddit (and MoonlightMichelle) one last time for being the real beauty MVP.

Kim Kardashian’s Former Assistant Might Have Shaded Her, and the Tea Is Hot

Scalding tea is never too far from the Kardashian-Jenner sisters, especially when it involves allegedly disgruntled ex-employees. On Wednesday, Kim Kardashian‘s ex-assistant, Stephanie Shepherd, shared a suspicious post on her Instagram, which many are interpreting as shade toward her former boss.

The post, shared on Shepherd’s Instagram story, details what she considers “self-care” and suggests that she recently cut out a toxic relationship from her life to better take care of herself. The post alludes to a “bad friend” who thrust upon “impossible standards” for Shepherd to meet. It ended with Shepherd implying that she’s finally found her self-worth after cutting ties with whoever was bringing her down.

Photo: Instagram

MORE: Kim Kardashian and Beyoncé Reunite for First Time Since Husbands’ Feud

As “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” super-fans know, Shepherd began working for Kim in 2013 and was recently let go in November 2017. Little is known about the reason Shepherd and Kim’s working relationship ended, though a source told People that it’s because Shepherd demanded a larger role in Kim’s businesses—something Kim wasn’t ready for.

“Kim made a decision to let Stephanie go,” the source said. “She was a good assistant but when Stephanie wanted to transition into a larger role with Kim’s brand and businesses, it just didn’t work. Kim gave her the chance but after a short period of time it became clear that Stephanie just didn’t have the knowledge to take on a role like that. Kim made an executive decision to part ways.”

Source: Instagram

The source also claims that the two “aren’t really speaking.” In a recent episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” Kim called Shepherd “unprofessional” for gossiping about her work life with Kim’s sister, Kourtney Kardashian, who Shepherd is close friends with. Shepherd’s sentiments to Kourtney mirrored what People’s source said about wanting bigger responsibilities outside of being just an assistant.

“But I do think it’s like inappropriate for her to talk to you and not to me,” Kim said. “I mean don’t you think that’s like a little bit unprofessional?” Kim told Kourtney when discussing Shepherd.

MORE: Everything You Need to Know About the Kardashian-Jenners’ Triple Pregnancies

We might never know what happened between Shepherd and Kim, but if Shepherd’s recent Instagram post actually is shade then it seems like the two’s relationship wasn’t as solid as they led on. And even if Shepherd’s post isn’t shade, at least not we know the important definition of self-care. (Time to throw out those bath bombs and face masks, we guess.)

5 Sex Positions That Work for All Kinds of Couples—Lesbian, Straight, and Everything in Between

I’m a firm believer in the sexuality spectrum—that is, the idea that sexuality and gender roles aren’t necessarily binary (gay/straight; female/male) but rather, deeply fluid. Who we’re attracted to doesn’t have to fall into a clearly labeled, defined category like “lesbian” or even “bisexual”—it can be messy, gray, and constantly changing, and that’s perfectly fine.

In my many years of editing articles for women’s magazines and websites, I’ve produced plenty of gender- and sex-positive content—from how one incredible trans woman found her own personal style and why kinky sex makes people healthier to super-adventurous sex positions to try. And while we’ve always focused on being as inclusive as possible, it’s more challenging than you’d expect to find sex positions that work for couples of all gender combinations, sexual orientations, and lifestyles.

MORE: How to Discover and Own Your Sexual Identity

That’s why I’m especially excited about this particular sex position guide, which features options geared specifically toward lesbian couples. It’s not just because this particular demographic is underserved in this area (which, from my research and experience, it is), but also because if two women can do these moves, pretty much any other combination of people can pull them off, too. And the more people who get pleasure out of these positions, the better I’ve done my job, as far as I’m concerned.

So go forth, sex-positive, sexually fluid warriors, and enjoy these kinky moves and tips.

Margot Robbie’s Makeup Artist’s Trick for Wearing Copper Eye Shadow

There are some eyeshadow colors we absolutely love, but when applied to our face, they fall flat. Unfortunately, copper is one of them because isn’t dark black or a highlight brown. It’s one of those in-between shades that can make eyes look tired or sunken.

But don’t let your dreams of glittery, copper shadow go down the drain just yet. Pati Dubroff, makeup artist to Margot Robbie, Natalie Portman, and Meghan Fox, shared her best kept copper secrets with US Weekly after sending Margot to her “I, Tonya” movie premiere last night flaunting the shade around her eyes.

Source: Instagram

Dubroff’s biggest tip is “Using a lot of mascara and the dark rim of liner helps frame the copper so it does not make eyes appear tired.” She also recommends applying a sheer concealer under the eye after shadow application.

MORE: 3 Easy Tips for Pretty Frosted Makeup That Doesn’t Look Dated

To match Margot’s look, follow Dubroff’s lead and use Chantecaille Mermaid Eye Color in the shade Copper and the Luster Glide Silk Infused Eyeliner by the same brand. She says to apply the liner first, give it a little smudge, and top off with the metallic shadow. Be sure to apply it in with your fingers so your body heat can help it blend in more seamlessly.

MORE: 15 Creamy Eyeshadows We’re Obsessed With for Winter

Experts say copper makeup brightens green and blue eyes, but with these tricks, we’re think anyone and everyone should give this color a shot.

Jay Z Opens Up About Cheating on Beyoncé After Going into ‘Survival Mode’

After years of rumors, Jay Z finally admitted to cheating on Beyoncé. In a candid interview with The New York Times, the 47-year-old rapper opened up about his marriage and how his infidelity was a result of going into “survival mode” emotionally.

The rapper landed on the topic of his infidelity after discussing his recent relationship with therapy, which he said has helped him manage his anger and actions. Jay Z revealed that he’s become much more in-tune with his feelings after he began seeing a therapist, who helped him understand the meanings behind his emotional outbursts.

“I grew so much from the experience,” he said. “But I think the most important thing I got is that everything is connected. Every emotion is connected and it comes from somewhere.”

MORE: People Are Calling This Dancer Beyoncé’s Doppelgänger

Source: Instagram

Prior to seeing a therapist, Jay Z explained that he would “put on a shell” to protect himself from people seeing his pain and insecurities. “You don’t want me to see your pain. So you put on this shell of this tough person,” he said. “Knowing that and understanding that changes life completely.”

Though Jay Z didn’t reveal where his emotional stress came from, he admitted that he went in “survival mode” because of it. While in survival mode, the rapper said he shut down emotionally, which eventually led to actions he regretted, such as losing a connection with his wife and eventually cheating on her.

“You have to survive. So you go into survival mode, and when you go into survival mode what happen? You shut down all emotions. So even with women, you gonna shut down emotionally, so you can’t connect,” he said. “In my case, it’s deep. And then all the things happen from there: infidelity…”

MORE: 20 Holiday Gifts for People Who Love Beyoncé More Than Themselves

The interview is the first time Jay Z has spoken about his rumored infidelity with Beyoncé since rumors first swirled in April 2016, when Beyoncé released her most recent album, Lemonade. The album, which makes numerous references to an affair, is believed by fans to depict Beyoncé’s emotional journey with her husband’s cheating and her eventual forgiveness of him.

Though we might never know what happened between Beyoncé and Jay Z, the rapper recent words shine a light on what may have occurred, as well as the importance of going to therapy.

35 Platform Shoes to (Literally and Figuratively) Elevate Your Shoe Game

Platforms, flatforms, chunky heels, whatever you want to call them—they’re making a major comeback in the shoe world. We saw wedges dominate the scene in early 2010’s, but we’re super ready for the platform phenomenon. They’re more stable and comfortable than heels or wedges, can we dressed up or down, and have some serious attitude (in the best way possible.)

MORE: Our Favorite Colorful Boots That Will Upstage Your Basic Black Pair

We have a crush on the platform mid-calf boots (we have a super killer silver metallic pair in the slideshow) and we believe that these will replace your regular winter boot this season. Who needs a boring regular snow boot when you can trudge through the snow in metallic greatness? So whether you’re looking for a new office oxford, a going out gogo boot, or a “casual” weekend sneak, we have you covered. Click through the slideshow to see 35 platforms that will make you wish you had a couple extra inches of sole to your shoe right now.

50 Natural Hairstyles to Try This Winter

Hairstyle ideas are never in short supply (thanks YouTube), but we’re admittedly lazy when it comes to trying new looks. On most days, especially during the winter season, it’s much easier to throw on a hat instead of attempting a twist-out. So we get settled into a hair rut that becomes hard to escape.

MORE: The Prettiest Hair Accessories to Try This Winter

The natural hair community is particularly over-saturated with tutorials and how-to’s, and although we love the never-ending inspo, it can feel overwhelming at the same time. So, in an attempt to save you some time and frustration, we’ve gathered 50 looks that cover the gamut of texture and length. Better yet, you won’t need a flat iron or blow dryer to pull any of these off.

Whether you have a teeny weeny afro, wash and go curls or simply want a cute protective style, we’re sure you’ll screenshot at least one to try later. Take your pick ahead!

19 Gifts to Give Your Significant Other That Won’t Make Them Cringe

One of TV’s favorite tropes is the desperate search for the perfect gift for a significant other, usually ending in total failure. It can hit a little too close to home. What are you supposed to get them, really? Something showy and expensive? Something practical? Meaningful?

Rather than drive yourself up the wall by placing an intense amount of meaning behind the gift, keep it simple. Focus on items you know they love or something they’ve talked about in the recent past.

MORE: The 50 Best Gifts Under $50 to Give This Year

And don’t forget about gifts you can both enjoy, like trips, tickets, or classes—that way, you can enjoy them well after the holidays are over. Below, shop 19 gifts your boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other will actually love to receive.

MORE: This Simple Thing Could Improve Your Relationship Immediately

Gabrielle Union Doesn’t Hold Back While Discussing Lupita Nyong’o’s Retouching Controversy

Like the no-nonsense characters she’s played on TV and film, Gabrielle Union has never been afraid to tell it like it is. Such was the case when the actress recently sat down with Byrdie Beauty and offered her take on a myriad of hot topics, including the controversy surrounding Lupita Nyong’o and Solange’s retouched magazine covers.

MORE: Gabrielle Union Opens Up About Her Struggle With Infertility, Miscarriages and IVF

“My thing is if you want them on your cover, you want them. Why would you change who they are? You obviously want them for all that they bring to the table, so show all of them. You don’t need to re-create the wheel—they’re amazing and beautiful on their own,” she said.

“Lupita was obviously very comfortable and felt very beautiful on that day. That’s how she wanted to be reflected and obviously what you shot, so to change her hair is to erase her.”

MORE: ‘Grazia UK’ Apologizes for Retouching Lupita Nyong’o’s Natural Hair

Elaborating on the Eurocentric beauty standards perpetuated both in and outside the black community, Union also recalled times when her own skin and hair were altered for magazines or on set. Once, while playing the role of a “professional woman,” producers went as far as to persuade her out of wearing braids, for the sake of appealing to a more widely accepted version of what “polished” looks like.

“They were like, She’s beautiful, sophisticated, and professional. I was like, Well, I want to wear braids. And and they were like, Well, I mean, she’s beautiful, sophisticated, and corporate America,” she said. “I responded, Yes, and specifically I want twists. And they went on to say, We just really want her to look more polished. I said, You all really don’t understand what are we talking about here?”

MORE: 17 Best Natural Hair Red Carpet Moments of 2017

At the same time, she doesn’t place all of the blame on others. Union is also aware of the ways in which women of color have adopted the same standards which reject their natural features, but remains hopeful that we’ll evolve past that notion.

“People will try to lighten our skin tones and alter our hair, which says a lot of about how we feel about ourselves versus how other people feel about our blackness and textured hair,” she said. “And if you get into the Eurocentric beauty ideals that the [black community] has adopted ourselves at times, it’s even more maddening. We’re all on our hair journey, and everyone’s journey is beautiful and valid and amazing.”

We couldn’t have said it better. Read the entire Byrdie interview for more of Gabrielle’s beauty insight, including why she swears by a gallon of water everyday.

9 Hostess Gifts That Can Be Enjoyed at the Party

The best hostess gifts I’ve ever received have always been things I can use at the party itself. Planning a big celebration takes a lot of work, and I must admit that I don’t always remember everything on my shopping list. That’s why I’m always so thankful when one of my guests brings a hostess gift that can be used right then and there to enhance the fun feel of the party, whether it’s something we can eat or an object that helps set the mood.

With this in mind, I always try to do the same when picking out gifts for the hostess of any party I’m invited to. There are a lot of things to choose from, whether it’s a piece of serving ware that’ll come in handy for years to come or a special sweet treat like Ferrero Rocher® hazelnut chocolates that everyone at the party can enjoy together. Either way, these gifts help the hostess throw the best party possible, so everyone walks away full of happy memories.

Meghan Markle Is Being Body-Shamed by People Who Think She Looks Pregnant

Meghan Markle‘s engagement to Prince Harry may have been one of the biggest moments in her life (and in the royals-obsessed blogosphere), but that didn’t stop trolls on the internet from raining on her parade by shaming her body. On Monday, the 36-year-old actress-turned-princess-to-be was rudely body-shamed by internet users who speculated that she was pregnant and hiding a baby bump.

Photo: Getty Images

The body-shamers primarily targeted Markle’s outfit, a knee-length white trench coat tied at the waist, which many believe was worn to hide an early pregnant belly. Several internet users also drew attention to the “Suits” actress’s midsection, which they theorized was looking larger than usual. (Not sure how they got that idea from a coat, but OK). A few of the infuriating comments included:

https://twitter.com/rabana45/status/935216856314630144 https://twitter.com/nonfatcap/status/935149409100337152 https://twitter.com/BlakKofee/status/935147346945564672 https://twitter.com/TheWizCantBBeat/status/935350269461876737 https://twitter.com/d_2884/status/935175734490001409

MORE: Prince Harry Is Officially Engaged to Meghan Markle

It should be noted that Prince Harry’s sister-in-law, Kate Middleton, also faced similar shaming when she announced her second pregnancy with Prince William—proving that the public not only has an unhealthy obsession with women’s bodies, but with royal pregnancies, too. Likewise, some royal supporters drew attention to how Markle was likely wearing a coat to keep warm, rather than hide a pregnancy. (You know, the totally normal explanation for someone wearing a coat.)

https://twitter.com/worthystyle/status/935162581202931712

MORE: Meghan Markle Shamed for Wearing Ripped Jeans on Date with Prince Harry

Whatever Markle’s pregnancy status is, that is her business and hers alone. Likewise, just because she’s about to marry into the royal family, doesn’t give the internet the right to comment on her body. Let Markle and Prince Harry enjoy their engagement without the chatter of internet trolls. Body-shamers, here’s your cue to leave.

This Rihanna Fan Found a Clever Use for the Fenty Beauty Matchstix

That Rihanna reign still won’t let up. This year, the Bajan bad gal owned the Billboard charts with “Wild Thoughts,” filmed a role in the upcoming “Ocean’s 8,” rolled out another Fenty x Puma collection and finally launched the inclusive makeup brand of our dreams: Fenty Beauty.

The latter has been rewarded with plenty of recognition, including a Time Award for best invention of 2017, and now, a viral fan post reminds us of just how innovative one of the products truly is. You’ve probably seen the Matchstix all over your Instagram feed. The makeup crayons are multi-taskers that come in a variety of shades; from neutral bronzes and golds to out of this world lilacs and peaches.

MORE: Rihanna Reveals Her Favorite Fenty Beauty Product

What really makes them a standout (besides the high gloss pigment payoff) is the magnetic packaging that keeps it from falling a part inside your purse. Well, according to Twitter user @ItsShelbyTho, it can also double as a makeshift jewelry holder. Why didn’t we think of this?!

https://twitter.com/fentybeauty/status/935330584473120768

“I threw all my earrings in my makeup bag and my FENTY set caught all of them… wow @rihanna never stops giving back,” she wrote under a photo of her stud earrings clinging to the Matchstix. The secret use is so thoughtful, the Fenty Beauty team couldn’t help but respond with, “Told y’all Matchstix are multi-purpose.”

MORE: Rihanna is Releasing Fenty Beauty’s First Red Lipstick

And soon enough, others jumped into the Twitter thread to agree and offer up other ways the product could come in handy.

https://twitter.com/sarahruthbrady/status/935512769826312194 https://twitter.com/sophiesatx/status/935509410809565184

If you needed an excuse to splurge on Fenty Beauty this holiday season, we just found one for you. Thank us later.

This Woman Looks So Much Like Jennifer Lawrence, She Was Swarmed by Paparazzi

Jennifer Lawrence is one of the most recognizable actresses among millennials, so it makes sense that if you bore even a smidge of resemblance to her, people would comment the heck out of your Instagram. That’s exactly what happened to Alexia Maier, a 17-year-old model from Ponte Vedra, Florida, who looks so identical to the 27-year-old actress that she’s been asked for autographs and swarmed by paparazzi.

In an interview with the Daily Mail, Maier admitted that she didn’t take the J. Law comparisons seriously until her Instagram was flooded with comments. “At first I thought it was a joke when people started saying I looked like Jennifer Lawrence,” she said. “But when I started getting dozens of comments about my J. Law similarities, I started to realize it myself.”

Source: Instagram

She recalled one time when she visited New York City and was swarmed by fans who asked for her autograph. When she revealed that she wasn’t Lawrence, she saw the fans’ demeanors immediately change.

‘”In my hometown, people know they’re not going to see a real celebrity, so I’ve been told I look like her, but never confused,” Maier said. “But when visiting New York, people will ask me for autographs. I think one of my favorite examples is when a woman said, ‘Jennifer, I’m your biggest fan!’ I told her, ‘I’m not Jennifer!’ but the woman immediately said, ‘Are you sure?’ I’ll never forget her reaction. At first it was surprise, then awe, then disappointment.”

Source: Instagram

MORE: People Are Calling This Dancer Beyoncé’s Doppelgänger

Similarly, Maier shared a picture from the time she attended the premiere of “Mocking Jay – Part 2,” the final installation of “The Hunger Games” franchise which Lawrence famously starred in, in 2015. In her caption, Maier revealed that, when she walked the red carpet alongside other “THG” readers, she was “swarmed  celebrity-style” by paparazzi and fans who presumably thought she was Lawrence.

“Got to meet a ton of really amazing people, especially my internet friends, swarmed celebrity-style, and embarrassed myself multiple times throughout the night,” Maier wrote.”

Source: Instagram

The anecdote seems peculiar considering she told Daily Mail that she’s “not a fan” of Lawrence. Though, she admitted that the constant internet attention has taught her to build character.

“I know this is not the answer people are expecting from me, but I am not a fan,” Maier said. “Even so, I can acknowledge that Jennifer has definitely impacted my life in strange ways. I got a lot of attention in the first couple years of high school because of my similarities to her. I was also subjected to a lot of online attention when I was pretty young, good and bad, but both have managed to help shape me as a person.”

MORE: Fans Are Convinced that This College Student Is Taylor Swift’s Doppelgänger

Take a look at some of Maier’s best twinning pictures below and decide on her resemblance for yourself. TBH, she might not be a dead ringer for Lawrence, but we can see the similarity if Lawrence was a few years younger.

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